‘These dreams go on when I close my eyes.. Every second of the night I live another life.. These dreams that sleep when it’s cold outside.. Every moment I’m awake the further I’m away’ …. Martin George Page / Bernie Taupin

My dreams are almost always sheer madness and I absolutely love them. The more bizarre the better. They are full of excitement and colour. They inspire my every waking moment and often make me laugh with their stupidity. Last night though, I had a nightmare. The kind that won’t let you escape it, even when you wake up. It keeps creeping back in as it feels so real. Is it a past life thing? Is it experiences from this life distorting to a different kind of tragedy? Is it just what I’ve watched on television? I honestly don’t know but what I do know is how much I hate these horrible stories my mind insists on telling me.

I went back over my blogs this morning, as I sat here bleary eyed, trying to escape the dream by writing something different. There I found some other dreams I had written about where I had visitations from loved ones who had passed away. The warmth and comfort of those dreams stay with me and I might forget them on a day to day basis but when I reread what I’ve written they come back with an overwhelming clarity.

So while I hate the bad dreams, would I give up the crazy night time storytelling sessions I am consumed with? Nope.. not ever! I love my dreams. A few years ago, I had a dream of my angel daughter Aimee, fully dressed in yellow which in life she never wore. I had a very similar dream the other day. Different content and conversations we had but again, she was dressed in the same bright yellow. I have yet to find out what that means but I’m sure I’ll find the answers when I’m ready for them.

That’s the problem with almost any gift you have. It can be a double edged sword. It can bring so much to your life but you can’t just choose the good parts. Life is all about good and bad. A bit like love I guess. When you allow yourself to love, it leaves you vulnerable to loss or hurt. Grief is, after all, just love with no place to go. But would we give up the chance to love and be loved to make sure there is never any grief? I would hope everyone’s answer to that would be a big fat no. Because life without risks is only half a life.

I will admit to being a risk taker. Oh not with adventurous stuff like sky diving or bungee jumping. But with following dreams. Saying yes to stuff that doesn’t make sense on paper or the stuff that terrifies me. Worst of all, I’m a spontaneous risk taker, so if something crosses my mind, I think, yeah sure…. why not? I’m definitely not a planner. I always figure if I fall, I will pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. That of course is harder to do if the fall is from a plane or a rope tied to my feet, hence my aversion to those pursuits.

I believe in my guardian angels enough to know that if I do fall while following my dreams, it was because I had a lesson to learn and is part of the growing process. If the dream takes me nowhere, I’m probably still where I’m supposed to be at that time and I try to think of who’s path I have crossed and wonder if they were the reason I was on this journey. We may never have those answers but I love to think that perhaps one kind word or interaction with someone, while a fleeting moment on my part, was a watershed moment for them.

But back to the sleeping dreams. My dreams often read like a Hollywood blockbuster. Crazy, bizarre, distorted but full of adventures and excitement. They inspire my art. They make me so appreciative of my ADHD brain and the way it works. They make my waking hours more interesting. And they make me crave sleep so I can fall into another story. I understand the meanings of a lot of them. I can pick when it is a memory inspired dream or a visitation from an angel. I can tell the difference between a lesson I have to learn or a snippet of information I will need further down the track.

So I cannot wish the nightmares away. In doing that, I am closing down the freedom of dreams to speak to me. Instead I stop thinking of them as some doomsday prophesy and see them for what they are. My fears wanting to be recognised. I acknowledge them. Accept them. Then turn on the tv and watch some comedy to try to break the dream. If that still doesn’t work, I get up and start my day, regardless of the time because I refuse to give into the doubts the nightmares leave me with. So while I escape them, I will not deny them or wish them away. Without them, the fantastic dreams can’t happen.

Life is full of light and shadow and we can’t have one without the other. Love comes with a chance of loss. Flying high comes with a chance of falling. Every part of life has a flip side. Life is all about risk. If we don’t take the risks, we can’t expect to fully reach our potential.

None of this probably makes sense today, so forgive my sleep deprived mind but for some reason, I had to write it. I guess to remind myself to appreciate the bad dreams as well as the good. And I have the freedom to have a nanna nap later in the day. It’s definitely not all bad.

Happy napping…..Livvy xxx