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In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky.  In my heart there’ll always be a place for you, for all my life.  I’ll keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am, there you’ll be………………………….  Faith Hill

I’ve been told that when you have a vivid dream of a loved one who has passed away, it’s not a dream but a visitation.  I’ve always been able to pick the difference.  Oh I’ve definitely dreamed of loved ones and while it’s been a lovely dream or even a sad dream, I’ve known it was a dream.  On other occasions when I’ve dreamed of a loved one, I’ve woken up in the morning, knowing it was more real than a dream.  I was still able to feel them… feel their energy surrounding me… smell them… and if I closed my eyes, I could still see them.  That’s the sort of dream I had last night.

It’s coming up to three years since my friend from school,  Alys passed away.  I wrote about her on her birthday in February this year.  You can read it HERE.  Alys was one of my dearest friends through high school and for years after that.  She was my bridesmaid, Aimee’s godmother, another daughter to my mum and dad who adored her and most importantly, my friend.  But, as friendships sometimes do, ours petered out.  However, I know the love we felt for each other never died.  Our lives became complicated, as I explained in my blog in February but deep down we both knew we still loved each other. Sometimes when friendships fall apart, bitterness creeps in and you feel like the other person did you wrong.  I never felt that way about Alys.  I was  sad but we were both doing what we needed to do for ourselves and I never doubted that she still cared for me as much as I did for her.  I guess I always thought one day we’d renew our friendship and it would be just like it always was.

I am very lucky with the friends I made at school. So many people who I went to school with are still my friends today.  Two of the first people who contacted me when my daughter died, were Janine and Margaret, two of my dearest friends from school who I hadn’t seen in ages.  True friendships don’t care about time gone by, they just pick up where they once were.  I got a text message just the other day from the first girl I sat with in Grade 4 when I started at a new school.  Gaylene messaged me to see how the fires were in our area.  I spoke to my friend Joanne just today.  We met on the first day of high school and here we are 40 years later, still friends.  My facebook page is filled with old school friends from both Primary and High school, who have just fallen straight back into the same old friendship, regardless of time spent apart.  My son’s best friend’s parents went to school with me and are like family.  There are too many of them to mention but they all mean so much to me still.  Those early friendships are so important.  We learn all our social skills with these people and they know us by heart.  We may grow up and become, who we think, are different people, but deep down, they still know us and we know them.  I love these people.

Last night, out of nowhere, Alys came to me in a dream.  I was on a bus (obviously still in China in my mind) and I asked if I could stop at a house to see her.  It was her new house and when she saw me, she threw her arms around me and was excited that I was there.  I can still feel the ache of my heart swelling when I saw her.  It was real.  Her smile was exactly the same as it always was.  She always put her chin down slightly when she smiled and her nose crinkled.  It wasn’t however,  the Alys of our youth, but an older version.  I remember commenting on how much she looked like her mum.  She laughed at me when I said that but it was true. She looked older than the Alys I knew and was confident and mature yet deep down was still the same girl I knew and loved.

She wanted to show me where she lived now and dragged me from room to room in her new house.  I don’t know exactly where the house was but I bet it was on one of the better streets in heaven.  She deserves the best address.  I kept wanting to tell her how I felt and how sorry I was that I never got to say goodbye to her.  Even in my dream, I knew she wasn’t alive and so did she.  The dream didn’t disguise that horrible fact for me.  But she kept showing me around the house and I couldn’t bring the subject up with her.  Still her excitement in showing me around was contagious and we laughed and chattered away just like old times.

After we got further through the house and I knew I had to leave as there was a bus load of people waiting for me, she finally said that she understood.  She knew how I felt and she understood how things were.  She said she also regretted not having kept our friendship but that she never stopped loving me.  And then we hugged.  That was one of the sweetest hugs I’ve ever had.  She hugged me and we just couldn’t let each other go.

Then I woke up.  But I could still feel her arms.. I could still smell her hair.. I could still feel her energy.  I knew for sure that it wasn’t a dream but that she had come to visit me.  I didn’t know how to wipe the smile from my face or the tears from my eyes.  I needed to know she was okay and just as she sent a double rainbow the day of her funeral, here she was, letting me know she was fine and that she still loved me.

I have been on an absolute high all day yet also a bit teary.  I know some people will think I’m mad or I’m reading too much into a dream but some dreams are so much stronger than others and I honestly believe these are the dreams that you need to pay attention to.  Not that she gave me any choice in paying attention.  I couldn’t have wiped this from my mind if I’d wanted to.  She always was quite insistent when she wanted to be lol.

So tonight, when I go to bed, I know I’ll sleep well and while I’d welcome another visit from her, I think she came with a purpose and has done what she set out to do.  But my heart is a lot lighter having spent those few minutes with her.  I’ll always be grateful that she was part of my life.  I will always smile when I think about her and the wonderful times we shared.

If you have been putting off making that call to someone you are estranged from, don’t put it off any longer.. Pick up the phone.. or write the email or card.. Don’t live to regret it like I did.  Life’s too short for regrets and we need as many people on our side as we can get..

Happy dreaming… Livvy 🙂

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