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We all do it.. We put on a brave face.  We show a side to the world we want others to see and hide the other one away.  Those closest to us see the  face we keep hidden, but to the rest of the world we look just the way we want to be seen.

I love to show a happy face to the world.  Sometimes this is just impossible but most of the time, I can do it.  I’m so good at saying, “I’m fantastic thank you” that most of the time I even believe it myself.  The smile I present to the world is good enough to even fool me on occasions.  But when I get home, often the smile comes off along with the bra and make up.. and gets changed into the comfortable “real me” face.

I don’t think this is always a bad thing.  Of course, hiding our emotions from the world is a dangerous thing to do.  If we never let people know we feel lousy, they can never offer any support, but too often, if we show every emotion that crosses our mind, people become “over it” really quickly.

I think the introduction of social media has a lot to do with feeling we have to express every emotion.  Facebook asks us on a daily basis “how are you feeling” and people feel the need to answer in minute detail.  Not only do they answer honestly, but they update their status every few minutes, reiterating how miserable they are feeling.  I often see people complaining about hearing what someone has had for dinner on facebook, but I think that’s better than filling us in on every tactless thought that crosses your mind through the day.

Trust me, I’ve had my days where I have ranted on Facebook because something has got up my nose and I want to scream about it.  Generally however, the Facebook community would think I live in flannelette pyjamas and sip wine all day.  While it isn’t true (except after 6pm ), I’m happy with giving that impression to the world.  If I told the world of every emotion that crossed my mind, I’d be certified insane.  I very possibly am, but thus far,  I’ve avoided certification.

As many of you will know I’m studying photography at the moment and we had to submit an entry for an exhibition called Me, Myself and I.  I decided to try to show the real me, both sides.  So while to the outside world I look like I’m coping and happy, the inner me is tearing her hair out and feels so out of control.  Of course, sometimes that person looking into the mirror is honestly how I feel, happy, relaxed and normal.  Other times, the person looking out of the mirror is  so out of sorts that the world gets to see her, teary panda eyes, hair like Phyllis Diller and all.

Thankfully, these days, the calm one is not only the one that the world sees the most, she is also the one who is the most prominent in my life.  The other wounded, out of control, crazy one is always lurking though.  She comes out when things go slightly wrong.  I do have a soft spot for her.  I’m not so frightened to show her to the world anymore and she helps me express how I’m feeling.  And that’s important.

So you might not be getting a full run down of my roller coaster life on a minute by minute basis but that crazy lady comes out occasionally and writes my blog for me.  Just in case you were wondering, I don’t have BiPolar, Schizophrenia or even Multiple Personality Disorder.  I do have Depression and PTSD but I think most people have a similar person lurking in the background regardless of their state of mind.  We all love to show a good face to the world, but every now and then that mask slips and we let the  other more overwrought, unzipped, unruly and frenetic side of us show.

Hopefully, we are all surrounded by people who love us enough to embrace both sides of our personality and allow us to vent when we need to.  It’s when we can’t vent occasionally that we strike real problems.  So if your loved one is having a minor melt down.. just be supportive.. but if they are having that meltdown on Facebook every few minutes for more than a day confiscate their computer and just love them lol.

Happy Easter to you all…. Livvy 🙂

Me, Myself and I

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